Defining Moments…A life-ography

(Dear Readers, this started out as just a single post but after giving it some additional thought and realizing that there was much to this topic that I wanted to add I decided to make this a stand alone page. A sort of Life-ography of sorts really as these are the moment through out my life that I believe have shaped and molded me into the person I am today. Below is just the opener to explain just what you will find here. This is me as I peel back the layers and lay bare who I am and why)


We all have those defining moments in our lives that carry with them the power to change our very destiny. Sometimes we are lucky enough to recognize them at the very moment they happen but for most of us they just slip by silently, unnoticed only to surface at some future time when we are challenged to understanding the lesson they had to teach us.

As people we share many of the same defining moments, our first love, our first heartbreak, becoming an adult, our first job, moving out on our own for the first time, getting married, having our first child or losing a loved one to death. Each one carries with it lessons we learn not only about ourselves but about the world around us and the people in it. They teach us how to survive and move forward and they comfort us by reminding us that we are never truly alone.

But what of those moments in our lives that are so extremely personal we can’t even begin to imagine anyone else having them? They are usually the ones that slip by unnoticed and I wonder why. Is it because we are all living in a sort of delusion that buffers us, or is it possible that it’s those moments that need to be absorbed so completely that they scare us. Either way I believe they are the ones that really teach us if we are willing to learn.

Over my 51 years of life I have had many of those moments and I wish I could say that I handled them each with grace and wisdom but the sad truth is far to many of them were just wasted on immaturity, fear, disbelief and anger. Why you may ask. Because something in me was not ready to accept the truth even when I knew the truth. It was just easier to close my eyes and forget it than to face it head on, but I none of us can truly shut them out forever.

I liken it to standing in front of a mirror totally naked and taking an honest look at ourselves. That is a hard thing for most of us to do. We are given a choice at that point to either assess our flaws and blemishes, or to see our strengths and beauty and decide which it is that defines us. The choice we will make is dependant on the moments in our life that we are still hanging on to and the ones we have let go of. For me personally I am still seeing the flaws and blemishes and I know that until I let go of those moments that have caused me the most pain, anger and frustration, the wisdom and beauty will remain hidden from view.

I have spent a great deal of time lately thinking about some of those moments and trying to figure out the lessons I have missed. A sort of self-help therapy you could call it and by dealing with them one at a time I have finally learned that they are manageable. I don’t know where they will lead me but I am no longer afraid to find out.

What I do know is that I am no longer the person I want to be and I am not the person others think I am and it is time for me to start peeling back the layers that I have insulated myself with and let those moments finally define me.



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