Ok I will confess to being a total “reality” TV junkie. Yes, yes I watch them all. From “Survivor” to the “Housewives of…” I just can’t seem to turn away or turn them off.
I have thought about why it is that I finding these shows so alluring, I mean I understand they may be called “reality tv” but the truth is they should be called “really? tv” because there is little if anything based in “reality” to be found, but my addiction continues. Each week I find myself sitting glued to the latest and greatest of cat fights, broken hearts, deceptions, sabotage, lies, delusions, temptations, and competitions all involving groups of people who I don’t know, yet somehow feel like distant family.
I can’t even begin to explain how excited I am that I now can record, fast forward and rewind all my treasures now thanks to the Dish Network, so like some crazy old lady I don’t miss even one small event and I can often be found zipping past commercials or dashing backwards to double-check something was said. It is complete madness I tell you and I think I really need a 12 step program!
So…here is a little run down of all the shows I love.
The first group is what I call the “I am desperately stupid to win” group and probably my favorites because it amazes me what length people will actually go to sometimes:
1. Survivor: Yes, part of the big draw is that I just think Jeff Prost is ADORABLE! He is in that same category as Mike Rowe for me. Not really the “eye-catching handsome” type but there is something about that boyish grin and the devilish glint in his eye that just make me melt. The crazies that actually take part in this one are in a different league than most of the other shows. Of course you have the “hate to love” and “love to hate” types but for the most part I am fascinated that anyone would put themselves through this kind of physical torture for money. Of all of the men and women that have “survived” I have to tell you that Russell Hantz, “troll man” is the one that I couldn’t stand the most, but that is what makes him I think the most succesful one on the show despite never having won. Yes, I shouted for joy when he was sliced and diced and handed second place. Sorry Russell…but you deserved it.
2. Big Brother: OMG! Really?? This one just makes me laugh out loud. I don’t know where they find most of these people but it makes me wonder what was in the water when their mothers got pregnant! This is usually a collection of the most narcissistic individuals this planet has to offer and the funniest part is that every one of them thinks THEY are the greatest player in the game. Clearly intelligence play little part in who wins this one. This one is more tits and ass TV than it is a game. You get show-mances, bro-maces and hoe-mances every season and they are all clueless. But I have to tell you that this seasons “Rachel” takes the cake for just plain stupidity! I don’t know who this broad made “happy” in college to get a science degree but I am sure the “plastic boobs” helped. I actually cheered when they booted her butt from the house.
3. The Bachelor and Bachelorette shows are depressing but I watch them anyway. Is there really that many “desperate” people looking for love in all the wrong places these days? I mean really…who would want someone who is “trolling” for a mate? Sorry but if some guy or girl needs to be kissing on dozens of individuals, in the hopes of finding “mr or miss right” then he or she is not what I would call potential “mate” material. Maybe potential “pimp or madame” material but definitely nothing more. I am always astounded that when that final episode airs that once again there is two individual so gullible and desperate that they are willing to put it out there in the hopes of getting a “will you marry me” as their prize from someone who had to have dozens to choose from. Really?? do you feel special now?
This next group is what I call the “I do have brains just maybe not social skills” group because at least I learn something while watching most of them, they are just not people who I think could manage very well in “real” life.
1. Hells Kitchen: LOL… I LOVE Gordon Ramsey! This is a man’s man who isn’t afraid to call the pot black and then toss it out on the corner! Every season I laugh my way through the kitchen antics while scribbling down cooking tips. I must admit however it does frighten me a bit to know that some of these individuals are actually “cooking” in restaurants and charging people to eat. I often wonder how some of them actually made it through culinary school? This season Ben, “the I am the best chef ever” kept telling everyone how “professional” he was but couldn’t seem to produce edible food? He was so sure he would win the spot as the head chef of the Savoy in London that I about wet my pants when he was beaten out by Holly, who he said was just a “cook” but ended up winning it all.
2. The Next Food Network Star: As well as a “reality tv” junkie I am also addicted to the food network so this is a natural for me. Not that I do a lot of cooking anymore but I just love watching people in the kitchen. This one fills both those needs for me and while you have all the typical drama at least these people have something beyond that to keep you entertained. I was delighted to see Artie win this season because I thought from the beginning that she had all the “right stuff” for a great show but we shall see.
3. The Next Design Star: Like the Food Network Star this one touches me on a personal level because I am a closet “designer” or so I like to think. This was my first addiction really since I got hooked watching the “Trading Spaces” show with that crazy Hildi Santo Tomas who thought it was a wonderful idea to paint a giant copy of her face on some ladies dining room wall, or to cover the walls of a womans house with “hay” despite the fact that small children lived there.
And the final group is what I call the “I am delusional” group:
1. The Housewives of New York, New Jersey, Atlanta, Orange County and DC all are pure laughter on-screen. Where in the world did they find any of these women and why did they even look for them? I have to tell ya if this is how the “rich and famous” conduct their lives I am damn glad I am poor and unknown!
“New York” brings us the “crazies” named Ramona and Kelly. Ramona is a bug-eyed dimwit who can be found on every show taking “stupidity” to a new level. She never fails to make me laugh and thank god she lives in New York. Kelly on the other hand takes “delusion” to a new level and is about one step from needing serious medication. (oh and did you know she was also on the “trading spaces” team in 2007 for 3 episodes?)
New Jersey brings us the Manzo family and Danielle Staub. This one makes me giggle because there couldn’t be a more “stereotypical” Italian family if they tried. They are like the “godfather” on steroids! Danielle on the other hand is much like Kelly from New York, just plain crazy! She is a “wanna-be” who thrives on drama and is trying desperately to keep her rather sorted past from leaking out. Paranoia and delusion are her only friends.
Atlanta and DC (the newest bunch of crazies) are pretty mild in comparison. They are more of the “typical” he said she said kinda thing, however DC seems to be shaping up and may hold the promise of some great laughs thanks to the interaction of the “political” crowd, not to mention having a blunt “english” woman on the cast who just doesn’t get “american” humor.
Orange County brings us the tall, tan, overaged beach bunnies hopping around with their “plastic” parts all trying to stay 21 and failing completely. It’s the only show I have ever seen where taking ones mother who is in her 70 and having her “re-worked” by a plastic surgeon so she looks like her face has been transplanted so she makes you look good and “Botox” parties are the norm. Leave it to Hollyweird to produce such a crowd.
2. The “Jersey Shore”, “Jerseylisous” and OMG shoot me please…”The Bad Girls Club” are the bottom feeders of “really? TV”. If any one of those were my kid, I would have had them committed long ago. This is a cultural study in what NOT to do when raising your children. If they aren’t falling down drunk, humping anything
within reach or “fist pumping” to bad music they are cussing like sailors and strutting around like over done pea”cocks” trying to intimidate anyone not laughing at them. Give me a break with the “Situation”. Really dude…maybe it should be the “Constipation” instead cause you are just full of shit.
Sigh…well there you have it. I am not sure what media mogul thought this new wave of TV up but at least its great for some laughter. So party on please… you really do amuse me.