Just recently I found myself having to visit the DMV. For those of you who may not know what that is, it is the Division of Motor Vehicles where one can get ones drivers license, or obtain a few other services. Personally I think that DMV should stand for, Dark Mindless Void, as that seems to be the general experience one has when one visits there.


  On my recent trip to renew my driving license I was prepared for the long wait, endless questions followed by endless mistakes that would eat up the better part of a perfectly good day all to get that plastic card stating I was fit to drive my car. To my surprise I was in and out in about 30 minutes with my license in hand and a very odd feeling that I had missed something important.

   Let me explain…

   When it was my turn, I presented all the needed documents, answered all the questions and read the letters in the little box and because I had been a good girl for the last 8 years and avoided becoming the target of any of the local police officers I avoided having to take the written test. When I was done the lady behind the desk told me it would be about 2 minutes before my license was printed and that I had received a “gold star”.  What??? Me??? a gold star you say…had I pasted some test I didn’t remember taking like drinking my chocolate milk without spilling it or taken a nap without crying??? I was at once elated and curious so I had to ask why? It was at that point that the universe kind of tipped sideways just a bit without my really noticing it…

   The nice lady behind the desk informed me that getting a gold star was a good thing because in the year 2014 having that gold star on my license would mean that I could take a bus, train, plane or boat and I would be granted entrance into any Federal building in the country. Because she told me this with a big smile on her face, I was momentarily distracted and content so I  smiled back and said thank you before I headed off to wait for my license to print.

  I didn’t have to wait long before they called my name and handed me my brand new license good for the next 8 years, and yup…there in the upper right hand corner was my “gold star” as promised.

   I left the DMV feeling really good about having completed this task and truthfully feeling a bit smug about my gold star status. I climbed in the truck and headed home, however on that drive my brain started to process what I had been told and with each new thought I found some of that elation falling away.

   The first thought I had was that I had been given an explanation for the gold star but had not been really told why? Ok so in 2014 I can get on a bus, plane, train or boat and I can get into a Federal building but why was that going to be important? Did the government know something they weren’t telling us? Is this some kind of clever way for them to “weed out” individuals? Was that gold star a “mark” of some kind that only those who had it would be given safe refuge? I don’t mind telling you that the possibilities really started to freak me out.

   My thought process started to spiral out of control at this point, maybe it was one to many bad B-movies but I began to wonder about “aliens” and space ships,, terrorist attacks and the end of the world. OMG! isn’t the world supposed to end in 2012? wait..she said 2014. So maybe they know that in 2012 it’s all going to explode and only those with that gold star because we can get into Federal buildings are going to survive and in 2014 the space ship will arrive to take us to another planet? This is not good….really not good!

   As I continued to drive home my brain continued to produce all kinds of possibilities most of which scared the hell out of me. As I pulled into the driveway all the elation I had felt was now gone but somewhere in the deep pits of my brain my humor button clicked on and pushed forward some alternatives…

   If only people with the gold star can get into Federal Buildings, and the IRS is a Federal Building so does that mean they are the only ones who will have to pay taxes come 2014? OH HELL NO!!! Maybe this was a clever ploy not to “reward” someone but to “pick” them to foot the bill? this thought made far more sense to me since for my entire life I have never gotten a break. The ability to get on planes, boats, buses and trains might just be the way they are going to round us all up….OH HELL NO AGAIN!!! How did Uncle Sam find me?

  My joy at being picked now quickly became anger at having been picked. As I climbed out of my truck and headed for the house now angry that I had been duped yet again I had one final thought….

    I should have SPIT MY CHOCOLATE MILK AT THEM! Gold Star my Ass!


Posted on July 31, 2010, in HUMOR FOR THE COMMON SOUL and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. LOL. I love your description of the slow descent into paranoia. :0) I shall avoid gold starts at all costs from now on.

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention THE DMV… | Things Mom Never Told Us. --

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s