Finding the middle ground for women is sometimes a daunting task. As little girls we are all taught the fairy tales about prince charming, and happy ever after’s where life is always sweet and safe. As we grow up most of us learn by watching our own mothers care for the family and our homes. Even those moms who worked outside of the house still had the responsibility of coming home and taking on that role, so we learn at an early age that we must find the “middle ground” in our own lives where we can balance it all if we want to be happy.

   In my own life that has not always been and easy task for me. I had a very traditional home where mom did everything for everyone else first. Her home was her pride and joy and she devoted many hours to making it shine. Her husband and her children where always her first priority right down to what she ate sometimes. If there were only 4 pieces of meat and 5 people she filled her plate with veggies and claimed she wasn’t that hungry anyway. The middle ground in her life was making sure that those she loved were happy and safe and then that she was so as I grew up I tried to follow that example she has set for me but always felt as if I was lacking somehow.

  I have struggled with finding my own middle ground in life and because of that I sometimes forgot that I was important too, but because as life often tends to be, I was so busy just trying to make each day productive I didn’t realize just how much of me was getting lost in the shuffle. It wasn’t until the girls were grown and moving on with their own lives that I finally started to open my eyes. The picture I was seeing was not a pretty one either.

   I spent hours thinking about all the things I had always wanted to do but had put off because I had someone else life to worry about. I realized I had given up so much that I would never be able to regain now and I became depressed. Here I am at the middle of my life and I am lost as to what is expected of me now. The girls don’t need me like the once did but my brain can’t accept that. The husband doesn’t need me as he once did but my heart can’t accept that. My family doesn’t want me as they once did but my spirit can’t accept that so I am left floundering trying to find my middle ground with no direction or idea where to look.

   I really don’t know how to just let go, or maybe its more truthful to say that I am scared to just let go because then I have to concentrate on me for once in my life. I don’t know how you take a life time of being there for everyone else and just turn it off?

   I’m not sure what my future will be and I am working on trying not to feel the depression that thought brings but I think finding my middle ground is going to be a long journey. One that if I make it to the end holds the promise of being a better person.

LIFE LESSON: Make sure you look in the mirror every now and then and say hello to the person looking back. That’s the one who will be filling your life when all the others have moved on.

Copyright 2010 T.Allen


Posted on July 27, 2010, in LIFE LESSONS and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. The husband still needs you

    • Yeah, and he really is wonderful. I wouldn’t be the person I am today, if not for his support and love. And he’s encouraging me to carve out a place for myself. Wanting me to be truly happy, makes him truly happy, and vice versa. He also understands that as much as we’re a couple, we’re still individuals with a need for self-expression. Another balance.

  2. Balance is a really hard thing, especially as a mom. There’s all that juggling to do, and the you’re standing on top of a wobbly ball, with flames licking your toes most of the time. Plus, everytime something in your life shifts, you have to find a whole new balance to meet the needs.

    One blessing, though, as women, we are generally taught that we must be, and so we are, adept at multi-functioning. Not only are you a Mom, you’re a nurse, a doctor, a teacher, a wife, a housekeeper, a bookkeeper, a chauffeur, a gopher, a delivery person, a secretary, a chef, a disciplinarian, etc…

    Carve out 10 minutes today, and do something you enjoy. Then, when you get a chance to breathe again, carve out another space of time. Take a class, join a book club, design a line of fashionable clothes for women re-discovering their person-hood, write a best-selling book about becoming your own person after motherhood. I know that it sounds like a daunting task, it’s one I’m working on too. Finding a niche for myself in a world that only wants me to be Mom and Wife.

    Ever hear the song by Bing Crosby in “White Christmas” about
    “What do you do with a General , When he stops being a General?
    Oh, what do you do with a General who’s retired?” I still have children at home for now, but they’ll be leaving the nest soon enough. Time to start carving my new identity.

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