FLY…THERE’S A WAITER IN MY SOUP!


    Here in my sleepy little town we have a joint called JJ Fins. It’s a quaint little spot that serves up some good food, great drinks and entertainment on the patio deck for those who dare to eat a meal outdoors in the summer time or for those who arrive by boat. I don’t frequent this establishment often but on the rare occasions that I do I have to say it is always a laugh.

   The clientell of this place is a wide range of people. From Senior Citizens who prefer the indoor dining to the wild and often barely dress individuals you find out on the patio, but one thing is for sure…everyone is there looking to have a good time.

   I had the good fortune to spend some time with two of my daughters yesterday while enjoying lunch and Fins. We opted to sit on the patio for the sheer entertainment value it offers. Being it was Mothers Day it was of course crowded but the hour or so we had to wait for a table just flew by as we enjoyed the antic of those already there.

  For most the concept of a “hostess station” was not something they could grasp which lead to great amusement as the poor girl taking names was finding that tables she had as open had been filled with patrons all wondering in turn why no one was waiting on them. One older woman in particular seemed to be scoping out the place and would descend on any empty table she could find, clean or not. She hoped around the like a bunny hiding Easter Eggs. Now on its own that may not sound amusing but let me tell you that her attire just made it unavoidable to watch her. She was wearing a string bikini in hot red, covered by a very short white tube dress. Given that she was pushing close to 60 and had spent years in the sun, this was not a good look. Her skin had that “elephant” texture and the boobs she was trying to contain in that tiny top were not spilling out the top, rather they were oozing out the bottom which made it appear as if she had two slightly molded oranges tied around her waist. Her hair was platinum blond…not gray…bleached…beyond any color you find in nature and she was sporting a pair of Jacki O sunglasses that looked as if they were eating her face. Bright red lipstick and blush to match completed the get-up. She was trying her best to make eye contact with anything breathing and under 35 but sadly it wasn’t working to well.

    As we finally got our table, we sat down and our cute little surfer dude waiter approached. At first glance I could see someone finding him attractive but as soon as he smiled I have to tell you he would have mad any Englishman proud. I don’t think I can recall ever seeing teeth that color before. It was kind of like tea, mixed with mud and covered in milk chocolate. I found it very hard to look at him while trying to order food. We had burgers and fries and one plate of Chicken Alfredo. Not a complicate order by any means but it would turn out to be the “order from hell”. We soon found out that our waiter was dumber than a blond on Hugh Hefner’s arm. Somehow between our table and the kitchen he forgot we had placed an order, so an hour later when we still had no food we began to wonder what happen. In the mean time we sat and watched as one of the employees they call a “runner” dashed around with large trays of food, not quite sure who the heck order them or what table they belonged to. He would look at his ticket, glance around the room then just start approaching table asking if this is what they had ordered. Usually by try number 3 or 4 he found the hungry guest he was looking for where he would quickly dispatch his load and head off for yet another.

   When our food finally arrived, almost 2 hours after we sat down, I have to say it was not half bad. Not worth that wait but by then we were starving so anything would have tasted good. We ate and we chatted and we laughed. By the time we were done our lunch had turned into supper and the crowd had thinned. The lady in white had found some company and the hostess had given up. The band played on and the boats headed out. We made our way to the parking lot to head home and as I climbed into my truck this thought occurred to me….”when had I gotten to the age where a 3 hour wait for a hamburger wasn’t a big deal”? In my younger days I would have had the manager chewing the ass of the waiter long before then. Oh hell…whats the difference…at least I was entertained while I waited.

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Posted on May 10, 2010, in HUMOR FOR THE COMMON SOUL and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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