Tempting Delilah


    Every now and then as a Mother I find myself in a situation where the lines become blurry between making adult decisions based on years of wisdom from the school of hard knocks and just turning into an all out raving bitch and letting loose on a bunch of kids who haven’t learned yet what it feels like to hurt someone. I find myself in that exact place at the moment and I admit that I am having a really hard time just staying neutral.

   I have two daughters caught up in a pretty nasty situation. One is being crushed because some pissy little boy she once dated can’t seem to find his balls and grow up and the other is dating his best friend and is being tossed in the middle of the fray having to choose sides all the time. The hard part  is  having to sit back and watch this mess knowing that neither of my girls deserve it and can do far better for themselves, yet not being able to make either of them believe it.

   What started as a situation that should have remained between two people has now turned into the “group” event, and this “group” doesn’t miss a chance at causing trouble and acting like petulant little children. The “mob” mentality is in full swing here, and it seems they get great delight out of “smack” talking and disrespecting not only my daughters but me as well and that is really hard for me to swallow.

   As a mother how do you respond to your child when they tell you they are a “reject” all because that is the way this “group” has made them feel? How do you comfort them when you see the hurt in their eyes and hear it in their voice all because they are being methodically excluded and pitted against their sister? What do you do to assure them that this is not the way adult behave even if they are “legally” considered adults? When is it ok to step in and teach them what their own parents failed to teach them about being “good” people? These are the questions I am wrestling with, and try as I might I can’t seem to find the answers I need. The only thing I really want to do is engage “bitch mode” and show them how the big dogs play.

    I am at a loss to explain why these kids were never taught how to be decent human beings in the first place. When I think back to my younger years I remember kids just like them and how no matter what they did, mom and dad just looked the other way. Sadly, those same kids are today no different. They still believe they hold no responsibility for their own actions or words and go through life treating others as less than human. Thats the future of this group of kids as well. Maybe it because so many parents have tossed their hands in the air and decided that being a “real” parent isn’t for them. They would much rather be “friends and buddies” to their kids, because they themselves don’t have to really grow up either. How sad a situation when you as a parent don’t discipline your kids because your afraid of what they will say or do back. Why did you even bother to bring them into the world, is my question?

    As for my own kids, I proudly say that I “ruled with an iron fist”. I never worried if my kids were afraid of me or not…it was good if they were. My favorite line was from them was ” I don’t have to  respect you, if  you don’t respect me”…to which I replied….”show me what you have done in your short life that EARNS my respect. When you can do something beyond just walking and talking and can support yourself, then I will respect you”. Happily I can tell you that all my girls are good, decent human beings.

   I just need to find a way to stay in check here, support the daughter being hurt and encourage the one being used to open her eyes. I think I may have about a weeks worth of “silence” left and if things don’t change I am afraid the “bitch” is going to escape!

Copyright 2010 Theresa Allen

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Posted on April 17, 2010, in RANDOM THOUGHTS and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. you as a mother is the outsider seeing whats going on with the girls and how they are treated. tell them whats going on and these guys and so called friends have no respect for them at all. they might not be seeing things the same way you do, because they are involved in the situation. and until someone tells them they won’t see the big picture. tell them your not picking there friends for them but do they really like the way they are being treated,or would they like someone better

    • Awe if it were only that easy my friend. Being “mom” automatically makes me the enemy in situations like this. When I say something the first thought they have is…”she is just trying to control my life”, and they miss the fact completely that it is because I love them and I DO have more wisdom thanks to the school of hard knocks that all I am trying to do is open their eyes to what IS going on and them help THEM to make the best decision. Unfortunatly they are like so many young people today, they believe they MUST be popular and accepted by others even if those others are the bottom of the barrel to be worth something in this world. I wish I knew the right words to make them understand that THEY are what THEY believe they are and the ones they seek acceptance from are the only ones gaining anything. In a perfect world they would both understand that the people you are associated with can make or break you and when you surround yourself with others who have little ambition, little self worth, and little respect for others you end up being seen the same way. Real friends are not people who “judge” you or place “expectations” on you in order for them to consider you their friend. They accept you for who you are, defend you when you need them to, and only expect friendship in return. A real friend would NEVER use you, and sadly they are getting used far to often. Friends celebrate you and are happy to see you advance, they do not use you as a stepping stone. So the problem I have is how to remain “mom” and still make them understand that. I don’t think its possible. 😦

  2. You know Tarie, as one going through a rough emotional/relationship issue…I am tearing my mom up right now too. I like her input and truly know in my head that she is right but when we hear things about ourselves from someone else’s lips, it is hard to make the head rule the heart’s reactions. My feeling of self worth is still low and the best thing my mom does for me is constantly reinforce that I have worth, I have value and I still have love worth giving to someone worth having it. Just keep helping your daughters even though you feel frustrated. If you didn’t feel frustrated, you wouldn’t be caring so much…Go ahead and love and care.

    • Thanks my friend. No one ever said being a Mom was an easy job but I can not think of another one that offers so many joys. I am sure you will get past your difficulties because you ARE a strong, intelligent, worthy woman who DOES have so much to offer to the right man. As for my girls…well I will continue to do what I can, remain silent when I must and protect them with my very life.

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