Every now and then as a Mother I find myself in a situation where the lines become blurry between making adult decisions based on years of wisdom from the school of hard knocks and just turning into an all out raving bitch and letting loose on a bunch of kids who haven’t learned yet what it feels like to hurt someone. I find myself in that exact place at the moment and I admit that I am having a really hard time just staying neutral.
I have two daughters caught up in a pretty nasty situation. One is being crushed because some pissy little boy she once dated can’t seem to find his balls and grow up and the other is dating his best friend and is being tossed in the middle of the fray having to choose sides all the time. The hard part is having to sit back and watch this mess knowing that neither of my girls deserve it and can do far better for themselves, yet not being able to make either of them believe it.
What started as a situation that should have remained between two people has now turned into the “group” event, and this “group” doesn’t miss a chance at causing trouble and acting like petulant little children. The “mob” mentality is in full swing here, and it seems they get great delight out of “smack” talking and disrespecting not only my daughters but me as well and that is really hard for me to swallow.
As a mother how do you respond to your child when they tell you they are a “reject” all because that is the way this “group” has made them feel? How do you comfort them when you see the hurt in their eyes and hear it in their voice all because they are being methodically excluded and pitted against their sister? What do you do to assure them that this is not the way adult behave even if they are “legally” considered adults? When is it ok to step in and teach them what their own parents failed to teach them about being “good” people? These are the questions I am wrestling with, and try as I might I can’t seem to find the answers I need. The only thing I really want to do is engage “bitch mode” and show them how the big dogs play.
I am at a loss to explain why these kids were never taught how to be decent human beings in the first place. When I think back to my younger years I remember kids just like them and how no matter what they did, mom and dad just looked the other way. Sadly, those same kids are today no different. They still believe they hold no responsibility for their own actions or words and go through life treating others as less than human. Thats the future of this group of kids as well. Maybe it because so many parents have tossed their hands in the air and decided that being a “real” parent isn’t for them. They would much rather be “friends and buddies” to their kids, because they themselves don’t have to really grow up either. How sad a situation when you as a parent don’t discipline your kids because your afraid of what they will say or do back. Why did you even bother to bring them into the world, is my question?
As for my own kids, I proudly say that I “ruled with an iron fist”. I never worried if my kids were afraid of me or not…it was good if they were. My favorite line was from them was ” I don’t have to respect you, if you don’t respect me”…to which I replied….”show me what you have done in your short life that EARNS my respect. When you can do something beyond just walking and talking and can support yourself, then I will respect you”. Happily I can tell you that all my girls are good, decent human beings.
I just need to find a way to stay in check here, support the daughter being hurt and encourage the one being used to open her eyes. I think I may have about a weeks worth of “silence” left and if things don’t change I am afraid the “bitch” is going to escape!
Copyright 2010 Theresa Allen