Traditionally Easter was a religious holiday and that’s fine with me even if the whole concept of what they are remembering isn’t anything close to what I as a person would be “celebrating” or calling a “holiday” as both of those terms in my world mean some vastly different. I celebrate birthdays, pay raises, personal achievements, finishing the race, etc, and I take holidays to escape the rigors of life to, the islands, skiing, camping or visiting friends, so I am fairly certain that if asked the person in question here would have chosen to celebrate his birthday in Aruba had he been given a choice. But I don’t seek to make this a religious blog, so let me move on.
As confusing as the first reason for todays celebration is, I will be honest and tell you that I am far more confused by the second. The one in which some large invisible rabbit runs around depositing colored eggs and chocolates in hiding spots so that children dressed in their very best clothes can run around yards, while the sun blazes, collecting them in baskets. I am not sure nor do I care who it was that came up with this concept, but the one thing I do know is it was not well thought out!
Think about this for a moment, as I pick this apart for you.
1. A rabbit…and he is invisible not to mention male? Ok, clearly someone missed the day in school when they were discussing reproduction. And how do they even know he is male if he is invisible? Let alone a rabbit? They must have had a set of “invisibility glasses” saved from their cracker jack box. Anyway…when I ponder this, I am almost certain that this rabbit had to be a female and one who was suffering PMS. Why? We all know how fast rabbits reproduce, so it makes sense to me that “she” would have been more than ready to get rid of any “extra” eggs she may have had! That leads me to question two…
2. Eggs… and colored ones? Ok, logic tells me that since this rabbit is female it stands to reason she would color those eggs to make them harder to find but her “female” side got hold of her and much like every woman you know, she just couldn’t help but use the “pretty” colors. This also suggests to me PMS, as she is clearly not thinking straight. But wait…this theory has a huge hole in it as well…these are not “rabbit” eggs they are “chicken” eggs! Maybe her husband had an affair with the hen across the yard, so she took all her eggs, colored them, because we all know that chickens are color blind and hid them in retaliation? This would explain the hiding of the eggs and the pretty colors since chickens would have looked for white and brown, not pink and purple.
Hum…now we are getting somewhere.
3. This brings me to the “chocolates”. Eeeeewwwweeeee…I don’t think those first “chocolates” were “chocolates” at all! But when Timmy’s “Daddy” found Timmy eating one he had to think fast, so he told Timmy they were “special” chocolates but not to share them with Mommy. You know this is right because this is just the way men think. Had it been Timmy’s Mommy that found him, well poor Timmy would have been rushed to the emergency room, had his mouth sterilized and a psychological exam! NO woman would have every said it was CHOCOLATE! But…having seen the error of his ways, Timmy’s Dad now realized that he had to make sure that there were “real chocolate’s” from that point on.
4. Let’s dress the kids in their best clothes and send them outside to play? Sorry ladies but this one I think I have to put squarely on Mom’s shoulders. It just makes sense to me that she would have been the one to dress her kids up because she was trying to impress her neighbors. Logic tells me that had it been Dad, the kids would have been lucky not to be out in their pajama’s! Besides, Mom would never have missed the chance to go shopping one more time.
5. That brings me finally to the baskets… Why a basket? Because chocolate melts and you can’t get more than maybe 3 or 4 eggs in your pocket. So being a true shopper Mommy handed out the baskets and said, “we are having egg salad for lunch, now go get the eggs”!
Ok, so maybe there is some logic to this “celebration” after all, but I for one am still rather mystified by it all. Maybe if there had been something other than hopping your kids up on sugar yet again…we should have learned our lesson from Halloween…it would make more sense to me, but as it stands I think we parents are just gluttons for punishment and didn’t know what to do with those silly looking sugar covered marshmallow things sitting in the back of the fridge next to the fruit cake!
Posted on April 4, 2010, in HUMOR FOR THE COMMON SOUL and tagged april, blogs, children, easter, family, holidays, humor, kids, life, new, parenthood, people, shopping, stories, traditions. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.